


What's Been Said

by FadingIntoYou



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 12:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2692427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FadingIntoYou/pseuds/FadingIntoYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Melinda has feelings, and on occasion, she does choose to express them. It just so happens that the darkness loosens her tongue, and sometimes the truth really does set you free, even if it hurts like hell. Contains some references (spoilers?) from Season 2, so if you're not caught up it'll confuse you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \- So, I'm diving into the deep end with this one I guess? I've recently become obsessed with this pair and I couldn't get this vague idea out of my head.
> 
> \- The first chapter is some May/Skye bonding type of thing, but the second will be May/Coulson.
> 
> \- Any prompts or something you'd like to read would be great, plus any opinions on this work. I'm trying to get back into writing, so this is that attempt.
> 
> \- It may be a little out of character, in the respect that May talks a bit more. I'll shut up now. Read and Enjoy!
> 
> P.S. I've Told You Now by Sam Smith was what inspired this one, so that explains a lot. Go check out that song! I think it fits pretty well.

It was becoming a bad habit of hers to sit up late at night, or early in the morning, watching the dark sky fly by. Her demons were far from quiet, but her mind refused to rest the longer they kept looking for pieces to a puzzle they didn't know much about. It was a common thing among people, to be afraid of the unknown, but that wasn't what was keeping her up at night. It was Coulson expecting her to take him out, if it ever came down to that. They'd known each other for decades, and it floored her that he thought she'd do it. She'd made it perfectly clear she cared about him, but it didn't seem to sink in. She wouldn't be the one to kill him; it'd kill her first.

She sat by the window, her reflective mood comforted by the darkness and the quiet she was surrounded by. It was nice to know the rest of the team didn't stay up with their own demons night after night, but that sliver of hope was shattered when she heard the door to one of the bunks open, a sniffle making its way into the air before the distraught person themselves. She didn't move her eyes from the window, regretting her decision to be in the common area rather than the cockpit. She heard the shuffling in the kitchen, listening to them opening the cupboards and brewing tea as she sat there silently. She knew it was only a matter of time before the seat in front of her was no longer vacant, but she couldn't bring herself to get up and walk away. She heard the chair move, the person easing themselves down, the mug settled between them as they watched her silently. She closed her eyes for a second before turning towards her unexpected company, taking in the reddened nose and eyes before speaking.

"Rough night?"

Skye laughed brokenly, the sound intertwined with another sniffle as she took a sip from her tea before pulling it into her chest, her knees drawn to her chest as she blew out a breath.

"Yeah, you could say that"

They sat that way for a while, just soundlessly taking in their surroundings as Melinda went back to staring out the window, the dark inky sky a comfort to her tireless brain. Skye managed to stay quiet for almost an hour, just drinking her tea and looking out the window herself, but Melinda could feel the shift in her once she'd gotten a good hold on her emotions.

"I know this is probably overstepping a ton of your boundaries…" she said, looking small but hopeful as Melinda met her eyes, "but I needed to talk to someone, and I think you'd be the only one to understand"

Melinda just continued to look at her, seeing the honesty and the uncertainty lurking behind her eyes, and something told her Skye needed her. Skye was always ready to go to any other member of the team for something she needed, but Melinda knew there was an air about her that didn't lend to being a sounding board most times. Tonight, it wasn't one of those times.

"Understand what?" she asked, crossing one leg over the other as she turned her body towards Skye.

"How do you stop loving someone when loving them is dangerous? Not just for you, but for other people too?"

Melinda should have known this was what she wanted to talk about, but she didn't have the heart to turn her away. Not too long ago, she was thinking along the same lines. Dangerous lives were part of the job description, but dangerous love…there wasn't a manual or a training course for that.

"I don't think I can answer that," Skye looked disappointed, but forced a smile onto her face as she made to get up, feeling small in the dead of night, but Melinda's voice stopped her, "I haven't figured it out yet either".

Skye looked at her shocked, flopping back into her seat as she stared at Melinda with disbelief. She opened her mouth a few times, but no sound came out, and it amused her enough to smirk at the young woman while she gathered her thoughts. When she finally did, she just raised an eyebrow at Skye, waiting to hear her speak.

"I didn't mean to make this awkward, I know you and Ward-"

"It's not Ward"

That shut Skye up, but the twinkle in her eyes returned, and it was a much better sight than the tearful girl she'd seen an hour ago.

"Then can I ask you why we do this to ourselves? Ward played me, used me, and I can't get my heart to understand that what I'm feeling is…"

"Wrong?" Melinda supplied, no judgment on her face, merely just filling in the blanks. Skye nodded slightly, and she folded her hands on top of her knees, resting her chin on her forearms as she looked at Melinda. She uncrossed her legs, pulling her right leg underneath her and bringing her left knee to her chest, wrapping her arms around her shin. She mirrored Skye's body language for the most part, trying to put her at ease the best way she knew how.

"Don't fight how you feel, but don't let it be the thing that consumes you," Skye looked at her confused before she continued.

"Know that it's okay to feel the way you feel, but remember that there are others at stake. Don't let that feeling become more important than the people counting on you"

"Is that what you did?" she blurted out, covering her mouth in horror the second the sentence left it, her eyes widening comically as Melinda chuckled.

"I did, I made sure everyone else was safe before I let my feelings take over. Sometimes though, it still feels like a loss"

Melinda's face fell, remembering everything her and Phil had been through up to this point, and it was true, she made it her mission to appear to feel nothing. Her feelings for Phil, she pushed them and him away because she wasn't the same after Bahrain. She couldn't be that person he loved to be around, she didn't deserve to have him love her when she had nothing to offer him then. And now, a lot of time had passed. She didn't know where to go from here, so she could understand where Skye was coming from.

"What happened to him? If you don't mind me asking?"

She sighed, turning her head away from Skye, resting her cheek on her knee as she stared out the window again, not sure if telling her was going to make it better or worse. The entire team knew they'd been friends a long time, but her feelings towards him were personal. Even after all this time, she didn't think he felt that way about her, and she was okay to bear that weight alone, but that wasn't what Skye was asking. And she was tired, so tired, that it didn't matter right now. It was just the two of them, and she knew the girl could keep a secret if she threatened her, but she had a feeling it wouldn't come to that. Skye needed answers and Melinda understood it, sometimes not knowing would just slowly drive you crazy.

"He died…" she said, and Skye murmured her apology, but she waved it off, looking at her again, trying to communicate the seriousness of what she was telling her, "and then he came back to life. And now he's losing his mind…" she muttered, but Skye heard her loud and clear. Skye looked at her with this look of…wonder. That was the best description she could come up with, and she watched as Skye's eyes filled with tears again, and it puzzled her. She tilted her head in question, and Skye sniffled, wiping her eyes as she sent Melinda a wobbly smile.

"If that's the dangerous love you have, I think the safest thing to do is to let him love you back" Skye murmured, and it was Melinda's turn to feel small. She didn't know how to let him love her, and that's assuming he does. She'd lied to him and things have been said between them…sure they were friends, but relationships weren't as easy to fall into.

"It's not that simple. The world's shades of gray Skye, and not everything can be fixed"

"Maybe not, but I love a monster that I'm pretty sure never really cared about me to begin with. At least Coulson knows you, all of you. He won't run"

"Some things are better left unsaid" Melinda said, giving her a final look before getting up, putting a hand on Sky's shoulder as she passed. Skye's hand shot up to hold her in place, and their eyes met with an understanding.

"Not things like this May. If you look at him with half as much feeling as he does you, don't let this go. I can't have what my heart seems to want, but you can"

Melinda looked at her, and squeezed her shoulder lightly. She hated to burst Skye's bubble, but maybe it just wasn't in the cards for them.

"We've always had bad timing Skye, but I'll survive"

"But that's not living," she argued, and Melinda pulled her hand away from Skye to turn to her fully. She squatted down to her level, meeting her defiant gaze calmly.

"But it is surviving, and that's all I can ask for. Especially when I don't know if he'll live through this. I won't put myself through that, not again. I'll see you in the morning" she said, getting up and walking away from her, but not before she heard her parting words.

"But what if he does? Make it out of this alive I mean, then what?"

Melinda paused, looking over her shoulder as Skye leaned over the arm of her seat to see her reaction. Melinda merely shrugged, walking away from the young woman that asked too many questions for her liking.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melinda has feelings, and on occasion, she does choose to express them. It just so happens that the darkness loosens her tongue, and sometimes the truth really does set you free, even if it hurts like hell. Contains some references (spoilers?) from Season 2, so if you're not caught up it'll confuse you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I've Told You Now by Sam Smith was the song to listen to for chapter 1?
> 
> This song was pretty much on repeat while I wrote and edited this part. I'm pretty sure labeling it romance is a bit of a stretch, there's so much angst it's almost sad. Actually, it is pretty sad, but in a good way.
> 
> Enough of my rambling, read and enjoy! If there's a prompt for this pair you'd want to see written, I'm all for the suggestions! I have a Tumblr, Fading-into-you, if that's easier. Okay, now I'm actually shutting up.

It had been three days since her late night discussion with Skye, and Melinda had been up every night since, their words refusing to leave her alone. It had made her angry the first night…angry that she'd let herself open a wound she'd tried to keep closed for a long time. She didn't want the added emotional mess, but this team was fueled by their emotions. It made her ability to compartmentalize more difficult than usual, and it forced her to withdraw from them until she could sort it out in her head. She was up at the same time, sitting in the same place every night, and was still no closer to protecting herself from her own feelings.

Melinda wanted Phil to survive, but it was breaking her into pieces every time she heard those scratches against the wall. She knew he was focused on finding some type of solution, but human nature makes people grow closer in times of distress. She couldn't handle being any closer to him than she already was, and that was why she essentially found any other place to be than whatever room he occupied. She could see the glimpses of confusion in his eyes the few times she's met his gaze, but it was the outright disappointment from Skye that had her dropping her eyes and avoiding her problems.

It wasn't until she reached up to swipe a stray tear from her cheek that she saw the movement out of the corner of her eye. She tensed, knowing exactly who was standing in the shadows, and she was once again unwilling to run and hide from her late night companion. She owed him an explanation that much she knew, but she couldn't do this right now. She couldn't hide from him as he sat across from her, and she couldn't take her eyes off of him even if she wanted to. His eyes were bloodshot, and she could see the question in his gaze as his eyes roamed her face like he always did. She didn't say anything, and just held his stare for some time before he finally dropped his eyes, trying to gather his thoughts.

"Is it really that bad to be around me Melinda?"

She dropped her eyes to her lap, her legs folded underneath her as she crossed her arms against her stomach, folding in on herself as she looked out the window. She didn't answer him for a minute, and he just sat there, patiently waiting for her. It was something she realized he'd been doing all along.

"Yes," she murmured, and didn't have the heart to look at him, knowing she'd see the hurt written all over his face at that truth.

"I'm not doing this Phil," she muttered, getting up slowly, "I'll see you in the morning"

He reached out and grabbed her wrist gently, her back to him as he just sat there, holding onto her the only way she'd let him.

"Mel, read me in here," he pleaded, and she held her breath, hoping that if she stayed silent long enough, he'd just let her go. She was dead wrong.

"I can't do any of this without you, why are you shutting me out?" he asked, and he felt her pulse jump under his fingertips before he heard her speak.

"I can't do any of this without you, how could you ask me to kill you?"

Her voice was a whisper, but he heard the anger and hurt that he knew he caused. If it were anyone else, he would have left it alone, given them space…he knew if Melinda had space, she'd just run as far and as fast away from him as humanly possible. After everything they had been through, he couldn't lose her too.

"Because, I knew if the time came, you could-"

"That's just it!" she fired back; pulling her wrist from his grasp as she whirled around to face him, fire in her eyes. She looked at him like she did Ward on occasion, and the comparison forced all of the air from his lungs while he tried to focus on her words.

"I can't! I won't murder you Phil, what you're asking…" she paced for a moment, pinning him with a look that was filled with so much hurt and disappointment, he could feel the tears gather behind his eyes at the glassy gaze that pinned him to his seat.

"It's so much worse than Bahrain," she admitted closing her eyes briefly, and he couldn't believe the story her face was telling him, despite the fact that she trying to keep herself from crying. The middle of the night had always been their weakness; they confessed secrets and shared worries, but they also had hurt each other so many times. Usually she pushed him away, but she was letting him see her pain, and that killed him. It meant she was breaking, that she couldn't protect herself from him when she desperately needed to. He never wanted to be someone she had to keep at arms length for her sanity. He never wanted to be someone she was afraid of, not only because he was certain nothing actually frightened her, but because he didn't want her to feel trapped by him.

He got up slowly, watching as her eyes watched him warily, her eyes still shining with tears that started to fall. She took a step back as he came within arms reach, and he reached out to her, taking her head in his hands gently. He could feel her trembling, her silent tears still falling as she resisted the urge to pull away from him. He counted that as a win, and he cautiously rested his forehead against hers, his breath caressing her face as he let a few tears fall. She grabbed onto his forearms, and he was prepared for her to push him away, but he felt her fingers on his skin, her thumbs caressing the back of his hands as they just stood there. Her uneven breaths hit his chin, and he couldn't help the way his thumbs brushed under her eyes and across her cheeks, hoping to erase the tears he caused.

They stayed that way until they realized their tears had dried a while ago, and now they were just standing in the dark, holding onto each other for dear life. Melinda tried to pull her head away, but Phil held on, determined to make this right between them. He couldn't take the mistrust in her eyes if they let this be one of those things that stayed unsaid between them. He'd let her push him away after Bahrain; he wasn't going to let her do it again.

"If I make it through this, tell me we can start over," he whispered, his eyes looking down at her as she took a deep breath, her grip tightening on him a bit.

"Phil…"

"Tell me there's a chance we won't lose what we have, and that there's the possibility that…"

He looked at her meaningfully, and she closed her eyes, her breath coming faster against his skin, making him shiver with uncertainty. He didn't know if she'd let him in after all this time; he'd been half in love with her most of his life, he had to give it a try in case he didn't make it. He had to know if she'd want him after it all, that she would be looking at him, and not all of the scars they seemed to carry between them. He had to know that there was someone waiting for him, wanting him to live just as much as he did.

"If we make it through this…" she said, trailing off as she dropped her hands, grateful that he was finally taking his hands off of her so she could get this out, "I don't think I could live without you again. I did it once, I don't want to have to do it again"

He pulled her into him again, this time tucking her face into his neck as he held her, her hands wrapping around his back to keep him close as he breathed out a sigh of relief. Even after everything he'd asked of her, she still was going to be there for him, with him. He felt her shift and he looked down at the top of her head, watching the way she tilted her head back, closing her eyes as she leaned into him again, placing her lips gently against his Adams apple. He drew in a breath sharply, holding her tighter against him as he tilted his head, giving her better access to his throat unconsciously. She smiled against his skin from where she stayed, and he could feel the smile spread across his lips even as she pulled away.

"Melinda…"

"You're important to me Phil, you've been the most important person in my life for as long as I can remember…" she let her statement hang in the air, letting him decide what he wanted to make of it.

"I've been half in love with you for most of my life," he breathed out, not able to keep that secret to himself any longer, "I couldn't imagine anyone else at my side. Please don't give up on this," he pleaded.

She just burrowed into his chest further, her fingers digging into the muscle of his back through his t-shirt while she heard what he wasn't saying. Please don't give up on me. Please still love me.

"I couldn't stop even if I wanted to, I'm pretty sure I've been half in love with you for most of my life too" she said, and that was all there was to it. They knew where they stood, and they were going to get him through this, come hell or high water. He loved her; he was going to do everything in his power to get the chance to grow old with her. He thought they deserved at least that much.

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Think I need to know something? Feel free to let me know, but be gentle please!


End file.
